2023
Jumped into the Puget Sound on new years day, again, and enjoyed it (alarmingly), again. Crossed off a bucket list item when Aidan Hughes of BRUTE! created one of his signature pieces for Punch Drunk. Reunited with tour buddies from 20 years ago. Wandered through Los Angeles at night. Wandered through Chicago during the day. Finally contracted Covid-19, and spent five miserable days on Paxlovid marinating in the taste of chewed up dandelions and paint thinner. Was in the right place at the right time to witness the new Ghostbusters movie being filmed in NYC. Unlocked a veritable horn of plenty of high-fiber high-protein pasta & grain alternatives. Cooked a lot. Doubled-down on psyllium husk & creatine. Lost 20lbs.
2022
Rediscovered the friendly skies after two years of totally terrestrial travel during the pandemic. Thank you Dallas, Chicago, San Francisco, and Detroit for your hospitality. Spent increasing time under a kettlebell or barbell, with 210 days spent exercising in some capacity. Added a heat pump to our gas furnace system for some dual-fuel goodness and air conditioning. Successfully planted, tended, and consumed a tiny crop of tomatoes, despite being planted too early and suffering an unseasonal hailstorm. Got engaged. Cooked a ton of recipes from TikTok. Said goodbye to three incredible humans who died way too early. Rest in production Mort, Meena, and Nikki 💔💔💔. Cracked the code of delicious hand-ground Aeropress (h/t Cory Doctorow). Bought a cargo van. Got a Spanish coach. Became acquainted with a raft of slightly dubious but ultimately promising supplements including glycine, betaine anhydrous, nicotinamide riboside, quercetin phytosome, trans-resveratrol, GABA, L-theanine, apigenin, tongkat ali, and CoQ10. Still didn’t get COVID.
2021
Bought a house. Ushered our sweet, old, tired kitty Izzy across the rainbow bridge to join her sister 💔. Found and fell in love with Kona. Survived the record-breaking, face-melting heat dome event. Discovered with chagrin the crucial role attics play in home heat dissipation. Met a litter of newborn kittens and adopted twin orange sisters Ginger and Lily. Got vaccinated. Got boosted. Still didn’t get COVID. Produced a hell of a lot of virtual events. Had a crossbow bolt fired into the side of our old house by an unknown archer. Left town for the first time in 18 months, since the pandemic began. Made a lot of blackberry chia jam and cold brew. Played too much Wordle and too little chess online. During the cusp of the Omicron surge, wedded my close friend Ray to his now-wife Zhongdi. Endured more anomalous weather, this time sub-zero. Perks of having a garage: powerlifting without a gym. Directed the New Year’s Eve show at Climate Pledge Arena.
2020
Took the polar plunge. Worked back up to respectable powerlifting numbers, until the gyms closed. Lost a bunch of weight by tirelessly scrutinizing my caloric intake, then put it back on while sedentary and re-learning to type/eat/open jars after flying over the handlebars of an e-bike and breaking my left hand, three fingers, skinning my right flank, and getting knocked out cold with a concussion (take my advice: don't ride a bike with fenders). Became keenly aware of how slippery metal bridges get on misty days after getting sandwiched in a three-car pileup. Built a live streaming studio at Punch Drunk. Produced & directed a ton of non-profit live streams. Directed a music performance video for Brandi Carlile for the United Nation's 75th Anniversary. Learned how to make delicious cold brew coffee. Got better at chess. Lost our bunny-soft Balinese kitty princess, Gracey, to kidney disease. Didn't get COVID.
2019
Wrote and published a short story called "Meet Alenn" on Medium, which to my surprise was featured in their fiction category the day after. Left arm now ¾ filled with tattoos. Learned the hard way the incredible importance of anti-bacterial soap as part of tattoo aftercare. Punch Drunk received a shout-out via press release from Blackmagic Design for a broadcast project we did with Oprah and Holland America Line. Ventured through Wyoming and Yellowstone. Paid homage to the Magic Castle in North Hollywood, a key setting in Clive Barker's 1995 masterpiece Lord of Illusions. Opted for train instead of plane on a trip from SF → SEA and indulged myself for 25 hours in a "roomette sleeper." Debuted "Brian & Jacob Review" with a taste testing of the horrific and probably poisonous "clear coffee."
2018
Created broadcast countdown clock application StreamTimer.com. Beheld Valley of Fire, Nevada. Made a pilgrimage to Baltimore and confirmed: no lake, no trout. A multi-camera project engineered by Punch Drunk made it into Wired Magazine. Devoured paratha tacos at Goa in Santa Barbara. Lots of plane travel; the birds-eye view of Mount Rainier never fails to disappoint. Dove into authentic Chicago deep dish pizza. Spent lots of time with the loudest Balinese cats west of the Mississippi. Learned to make pasta.
2017
Venice, Italy. Hiked a bunch. And hiked a bunch more. Tied the knot for Dave & Renae. Kept on hiking. Knitted a thing. More ink from the lovely, inimitable, crazy talented artist Bryan Kachel. Directed a private Justin Timberlake concert for Dallas Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones' induction into the NFL hall of fame. Flew, if ever so briefly, a tiny Cessna.
2016
Third tattoo. Created “No Funk” organic, aluminum-free, natural deodorant spray. Hiked a bit. Pun game was on point. First taste directing cameras for a country music festival at Tortuga Festival.
2015
Produced “We Are KMFDM,” the band’s 30th Anniversary live concert and first ever video-on-demand. Second tattoo. Tied the knot for Steve and Angela. Best year yet for our wireless inflatable crowd-surfing ballcam. Learned more than I care to know about diesel engine additives. Edited a 38-camera multi-cam project. Blindfolded.
2014
What a year :( Lost my wonderful and public-spirited mother, Marlene Stone, to a cardiac aortic aneurysm. RIP mom, love you. Lost our tough-as-nails cat-boy marauder, Truman, to surgical complications. Finally figured out what to do with leftover vegetable pulp after juicing: mix with meat and spices to create beetballs and kaleballs. Shooting commercials at Seatac Airport. Sundance Film Festival with YouTube.
2013
After a one-day how-to-do-voiceover workshop, confirmed that my talents lie far from the microphone. Struggled with my own handwriting on a sunny day in August marrying Kellie and Zach. Helped memorialize the Rainier “R” being put back on the former Rainier Brewery. Shot and directed some Chippendales shows.
2012
Slung hash with Sacred Cow at Burning Man. Learned the hard way it’s difficult to caretake scorpions. Got a little star-struck filming hero Joel Salatin of Polyface Farms. Brief, unsuccessful stint in modeling provided good cannon fodder for piss-takes. Chacala, Mexico. Epic John McCain halloween costume. Bought a quarter of a cow. Lifted a lot of kettlebells and barbells.
2011
Bought a motorcycle. Burning Man year one with Sacred Cow. Discovered and tested/tasted miracle berries. Invented a two-player version of Settlers of Catan.
2010
First tattoo. Participated in the Long Walk. After a bunch of camera gear was stolen from my car, waged a social media campaign against the thief, landed on several local news outlets, which ultimately led to the return of the equipment within one week and his arrest one week later. Birthday gameshow, replete with lifelike voting masks.
2009
Reprised my role as KMFDM’s tour manager for their “Kein Mitleid” North American tour. Woke up one morning to a broken foot and zero memory of how it happened. Surely one of the most prominent milestones in my life’s anti-drinking PSA.
2008
Discovered the scintillating blend of dread and self-reflection while climbing 12,000 feet to my first skydiving experience. Learned incorrectly how to say “I don’t speak Spanish” and spent two weeks traipsing around Valparaíso, Chile, telling the locals they don’t speak Spanish.
2007
Produced Opticlash 2: The 2nd Annual VJ Battle in Seattle.
2006
Created the world’s heaviest DVD-based analog VJ system . VJed with DJ:AM at Showbox Seattle , RIP Mr. Goldstein. Tour managed KMFDM’s North American “Ruck Zuck” tour.
2005
Toured Europe with KMFDM. Produced Opticlash: The VJ Battle in Seattle. The halcyon days of VJing in the early-mid aughts were a different era. Was honored and flattered to tie the knot for my friends, bosses, and touring companions Sascha and Lucia.
2004
Shot, produced, directed, and edited KMFDM’s 20th Anniversary 2x DVD set. During this project we hatched the “Fankam,” where each music video on the DVD had a sister video shot entirely by the fans. Bear in mind this was 2004, pre-cellphone cameras or video, so we handed out small digital video cameras to fans each night to shoot the concert from their perspective.
2003
Began residencies as house VJ at Club Medusa and Club Element. Designed and built video systems for rock tours (SD not HD, naturally). First rock tour with Queensrÿche. Followed immediately by a tour with KMFDM.
2002
Shot a photograph every day of the year, on film, and from that created the 365 Project. Created the Big Bright Yellow Sun . Spent an inordinate amount of time backstage at raves, ostensibly VJing, though often otherwise occupied counting sheep. Put a VHS tape in the mail containing two self-made fan videos for KMFDM. Was shocked and thrilled to receive a call from Sascha Konietzko himself, asking if the videos could be added to their website. Eventually schmoozed and cajoled and begged my way in as their touring VJ and video director. Designed a bunch of rave flyers and CD artwork.
2000
Began my VJ career at Club Contour’s “Mannequin Night.” As I was not yet 21, kept a printed copy of Washington State law in my pocket at all times, which permits “professional musicians” to perform their duties in an alcohol-serving establishment. Everybody involved tenuously agreed that being a VJ was “close enough” to a professional musician so as to allow me to skulk into the club each week with an armful of VHS tape decks, a questionable selection of arcane videos, and a battery of cheap plastic Radio Shack switchers.
1999
Produced & directed the Senior Class Video at the end of high school. Embarked on what seemed like a brilliant albeit circuitous path to pursue two 2-year degrees instead of one 4-year degree.
1998
Climbed a tree looking for “the shot” during a summer school film production. Fell out of the tree, which resulted in a broken back, cracked skull, and contrecoup contusion. Spent the summer cooped up indoors in a TLSO back brace and learned how to edit video. Occasionally snuck out and challenged unsuspecting passersby to “punch me in the chest as hard as you can” – good for a laugh as the TLSO brace is rock hard. Amusing except when your opponent and their half-dozen friends elicit the ruse and decide retributive justice sounds like a fun next game. Founded Punch Drunk Productions.
1996
Started my first media company – Corporal Monkey Company Enterprises. Slogan: The only monkey that spanks back. Seemed fairly hilarious as a teenage entrepreneur.
1986
Enter the Commodore 64, and life really begins.
1981
Life begins.